


Counting Stars

by calmena



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Equilibrium!AU, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-01-14
Updated: 2014-05-29
Packaged: 2018-01-08 06:54:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1129644
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/calmena/pseuds/calmena
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Loki has spent years hunting down and arresting sense offenders - they are all the same, always trying to make him see the wrongness of his state-mandated, drug-induced emotionlessness. So why, then, does this Tony Stark fellow not even try? He just keeps smirking, like he knows something Loki doesn't, and soon Loki finds himself dealing with the resistance much more closely than he ever thought he would - willingly or not.</p><p>In a world where emotions are forbidden by law and suppressed by a drug, Thanos rules and Loki is part of his executive force. However, rebellion brews even in the most totalitarian regimes and Thanos' is no exception.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A huge thank you to my beta plumadesatada, whose reaction convinced me to post this. The title comes from Counting Stars by One Republic, not that the lyrics have very much to do with the story. It will make sense later on.
> 
> The story is inspired by the movie Equilibrium, but you don't need to be familiar with the verse (or the movie) to understand this story.
> 
> Have fun reading!

They're trained killers, masters of their art, relentlessly efficient in their work. They're the best of the best, and Thor and Loki are the best of them all.

They are unequaled in their abilities – Thor a force of nature of his own, wielding the hammer like an extension of his arm, and Loki, perfect with knives and at slipping into the heads of sense offenders, so underestimated by his fellow Clerics because of it, sneered at for the weakness, but still so incredibly, terribly dangerous.

And when others look at them and say they wish to learn to be as efficient as they are, Loki privately thinks that they will never be needed like that, because as it stands, the last of the sense offenders will have fallen in no more than a few months.

And if he could feel, Loki thinks he would probably be proud.

* * *

Loki had been twenty-eight and already one of the most sought-after Clerics for missions that required more than a simple team of two when he’d made his first wrong assessment of a situation. His wife had been a Cleric as well, as beautiful as she was deadly and she’d had a dangerous knack for finding weak points in sense offenders that often made them spill so much more information to her than they intended to. Their marriage had been arranged by Thanos, but they had stayed together for four years and Loki had enjoyed talking to her because she had been clever and competent in everything she did and he wouldn’t have minded if it had lasted longer, however much he was able to do so in any case. Her insights into sense offenders’ actions had been intriguing and enlightening and he sometimes still asks himself how he had not made the connections.

He had ended up sitting opposite her in the interrogation room, Prozium vials that should have been empty but weren’t between them. It hadn’t been him who’d put her there, not that he would have hesitated if he’d noticed her crime. Her partner had caught her, seen some sort of facial expression Loki himself hadn’t spotted. Maybe she’s been more careful with him, deliberately keeping emotions from showing because she knew how capable he was of making the connections - he’d been a blind fool, not to suspect her, he’d decided afterwards. She’d been taken from their home and all Loki had been able to think right then had been that he’d failed Thanos. He had asked to be the one to interrogate her and nobody had spoken up against him, not that he would have let them.

"Don’t you ever feel regret?" Sigyn had asked, in chains and turning one of the little vials between thumb and forefinger, looking at it with an expression as unreadable as it was empty, not that it would save her now. The judgement on her had already been made and she had to know it. She hadn’t looked at Loki while she’d been sitting there, even after directing the question at him. Loki had looked back at her and blinked.

"Regret? My dear Sigyn, I suspect you do not know me."

She laughed, a dry, ugly sound that was completely unlike her. And still she wouldn’t look at him. "The effects of Prozium, you mean. It’s hardly as if you would talk like that if not for the drug."

"Do not sound so bitter. It is your own fault. Had you not stopped taking the Prozium, all would be well. Now let me ask the question back at you: Don’t you ever feel regret?"

"For _feeling_? Never."

She’d been taken from the room shortly afterwards, all without one last backwards glance at loki. There had been words while she’d already been almost out of the room, and still they echoed in Loki’s head, for reasons unknown to him, like they were of any importance at all.

"I think I would have liked to get to know the Loki behind the puppet," she’d said and she’d almost sounded… sad. Loki still didn’t understand what she’d meant, in all the five years that had passed since then. Loki had watched her burn to death and she hadn’t made a move to resist, so completely still while she stood where the flames engulfed her, as if she’d made her peace with it, as if it would change anything.

Loki still cannot understand why she would think emotions would be worth an ordeal like that.

* * *

Loki had not yet been born when the solution for all the petty human problems that were the source of war was found. He knows what happened only from stories and the history they are required to study at school. From one moment to the next, none of the existing squabbles mattered and emotions were a thing of a past. All it required was one little vial of Prozium a day, a shot of the drug into one’s bloodstream, every day, to keep oneself at one’s best.

Loki and Thor's parents had been two of the first sense offenders and the regents of Asgard before borders and leaders had been rendered obsolete by efficient stoicism and the quiet but omnipresent guidance of Thanos. They had lived in the underground, kept a resistance going for years before they’d been caught. Loki had been but a babe when that had happened, but he can remember Thor telling him about it, about the example that had been made of them. As orphans, Loki and Thor had been raised by the state, gotten the best of schooling and had started early in their careers as Clerics, becoming two of the youngest there had ever been, aiming to halt the very crime their parents had been guilty of.

They're the ones that are sent on the most difficult missions, the ones where others would fail to reach the objective, to find emotional content – what people once upon a time used to call art, music, things that used to trigger the petty things called feelings – and Loki never misses them. A crooked floor plank, a hollow sound upon knocking on the wall, even just the way light fell into a room – there's always something that tells him right where the objects are hidden. It's the way sounds vibrate in a room, and how it just feels too full to make sense.

And he doesn't feel guilt when he stands in front of a door, ready to kick it open and kill anyone who refuses to cooperate, because he cannot feel guilt, cannot feel anything. There's a team of Sweepers behind him, ready to take the place apart in search of illegal content, and Thor at his side and Loki is as close to feeling content as one can get under influence of Prozium. It lasts right up until the door opens on its own and a man smiles at them, and it’s toothy and too wide and he’s entirely transparent in his cancellation of Prozium and nobody quite knows what to do with that.

"Well, that took you longer than I thought it would," the man says and there's something mocking in his voice as he opens the door wide. "You're here to take the place apart, I guess?"

* * *

They find very few things that can actually be classified as emotional content, but that's because Loki suspects the man they've taken in – Tony Stark, he is called – has a different way of thinking, of relating to things, than they are used to.

Loki is walking across the room, trying to figure out if there's anything more here than odd contraptions made from metal and wires, when Stark speaks up.

"You look at stars with that," he says calmly, nodding at Thor when Loki turns to look at him suspiciously. "The thing he's staring at. It's a telescope. A pretty good one as well, if I may say so. Any hobby astronomer would love to have that. If we still had them, that is."

Loki shoots Thor a look, but his brother is still staring at the telescope, as if Stark’s words mean something to him. He seems entirely too taken with the stupid thing. How very… curious.

Loki narrows his eyes, filing Thor’s behavior away for later consideration. "That makes it emotional content, then," he concludes, looking back at Stark once again, smiling at the way he grits his teeth, as if that wasn't what he thought they'd take away from his words. "My thanks for helping us classify it."

* * *

Stark is quiet while they’re riding back and Loki doesn’t trust that. If there’s one thing that all sense offenders he’s ever had the misfortune to meet had in common, it was that they tried to make him see the wrongness of his ways. But Stark hadn’t even tried, he’d just smirked when the team of Sweepers had assembled in front of the building and told Loki that apparently the machines in the building were all the things that could even be considered emotional content.

"You’re worse than even Dum-E, it’s a tragedy," he’d said and had only laughed when Thor had asked him what he meant.

Now, Stark is humming and it’s like he isn’t even trying to hide his offenses. Loki cannot decide whether the man is insane or has a deathwish. Maybe both, because it truly seems like he is trying to give them as much ammunition as humanly possible against him.

"Right, you haven’t really listened to music before, right?" Stark asks, like it’s not something that will get him executed and laughs when he sees Loki’s frown and Thor’s empty expression that would, under other circumstances, probably show confusion. "Let me tell you, you’re missing out."

* * *

The man is a horrible, horrible interrogatee. He keeps making stupid quips nobody actually understands, without giving away any kind of information they’re looking for at all.

"It’s because you don’t get to watch movies," he explains, as if it is a matter of grave importance. "Do you have any idea of what awesome things you miss out on? The movies alone that you haven’t seen…"

And he babbles. All the time. As if there isn’t a bone in his body that possesses common sense. With every sentence he speaks he manages to own up to another offense, and he doesn’t seem to care at all that he’s only giving them more ammunition against him. And still, they don’t need more of that, not when what they’d found in Stark’s home was enough to get him incarcerated twice over.

"Where is the resistance hiding?" Loki asks once more, dismissing Stark’s words for the mostly useless chatter they are. It’s not what he’s been sent to find out.

But Stark just laughs. "Yeah, right. How about no? I know you’re not allowed to kill me, so bring on the threats now. But seriously, I don’t even know."

It’s as transparent a lie as it gets - but what is and remains true is that Loki is indeed not allowed to injure Stark grievously. He doesn’t know how the man managed to find out about that, but it doesn’t bode well for the rest of the interrogation.

* * *

 

"You know, my father used to make weapons - before all this Prozium shit."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. You know, they say that it’s all so there’s no war anymore, but that’s a lie."

"Is that so?"

An unreadable look, and Loki is surprised to find that it convinces him to shut up and just let the man speak.

"What did you think is this?"

* * *

The man is still in a holding cell and Loki doesn’t understand why he hasn’t been transferred. He has never known a prisoner to stay for so long, but there hasn’t even been one word about what’s supposed to happen to Stark. It’s strange, but it seems like no judgement has been made so far, something unprecedented in the long years Loki has been a Cleric. Even when the offender had been Sigyn, a Cleric herself, judgement had been made swiftly and carried out even faster. But this man, he’s been incarcerated for almost a week and so far, not one word has reached Loki on what was supposed to happen to him.

Stark is playing with a plastic cup, for there is little more in that cell of his. He seems to be entirely calm, maybe even a little bored, if it could be called that. When Loki’s steps stop in front of the man’s cell, his eyes snap up, only for him to deflate slightly when he sees who has deigned to pay him a visit.

"So, any word on when I’m getting out of here? Or am I supposed to rot in this cell? In that case, you could at least get me some coffee, I feel like there’s too much blood in my coffeestream." When Loki just looks at him wordlessly, Stark deflates. "Oh great. No emotions means no humour, I guess. That’s just sad. Not that you’d know what that is."

"Oh, I do." It slips from Loki’s lips before he can bring himself to keep quiet and just look on. The man is more likely to let information slip if he is babbling, something the man does disturbingly well when he finds himself in silence with another person. But alas, too late now. "How would we bring you to the open so easily, if emotions weren’t pathetically easy to see through?"

The look Stark aims at him is unreadable. Even the laugh he lets out seems less like an expression of actual humour than a mocking reaction of surprise. And he shakes his head while Loki just looks on patiently, safe in the knowledge that Stark will be sitting where he is for a while still. There is no rush in getting his answer in an actually understandable way.

"You know in theory," Stark finally says, leaning back in his chair and smirking, as if he knows something Loki is not aware of. "You think you know how emotions work, but you actually have no idea about the real thing. As much as they have you study writings on feelings or however else they try to get you to understand us, you’re just relying on a poor imitation. You think you’re close to winning? Yeah, think again - we’re not weaker for our emotions, we’re determined and you guys don’t even really know what you’re fighting against. So think again about how you’re so close to destroying us."

There’s a moment of silence while Loki tries to comprehend the sheer size of the man’s ego, to believe their little resistance so much more powerful than it actually is – ever has been, really. They’d never even come close to do anything worthwhile. Saving paintings and literature from being destroyed, that counted as an accomplishment? And even then, they couldn’t keep them from finding and burning them eventually, they simply delayed the inevitable.

"You overestimate your influence," Loki finally says, shaking his head. "I would say that I am sorry about what’s going to happen, but as you so aptly noticed, I am not."

Stark leans back in his chair and looks at him and if Loki didn’t know better, he’d almost say the man looks smug.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am aware that there might be things that don't seem to make sense, but everything will be explained in good time.
> 
> On a completely different note - Thor without emotions? Actually really difficult to write. Huh. Who'd have thought.


	2. Chapter 2

Back after Sigyn had been executed, Loki had lived alone for a year in the apartment that had once been _theirs_ and had become just _his_. It had been odd to come home to this place where everything reminded him of the fact that he hadn’t realized anything about Sigyn’s betrayal of Thanos for however long she’d tricked him. For a while it had almost caused him not to want to leave work every evening.

However, when he had finally decided to move in with Thor, it had not been because of the memories he associated with his own (former) apartment running through his head whenever he entered it, as they did not matter to him, but because it was simply more convenient. They both worked in the same building, they were assigned on missions together and he favoured not having to drive. It was time-efficient to live this way, that was all the reason Loki needed to move the few things he called his own over to his brother’s apartment after the twentieth time Thor offered to house him.

He’s been living in the spare bedroom ever since, still as barren as it had been in the beginning, because what would he put in it to make it less so, and for what reason? Besides, even if Thor doesn’t have a reason to refuse him housing yet, he will probably marry at some point and Loki has no wish to stay once his brother moves together with his assigned partner. It had only ever been expected to be a temporary thing, anyway - Loki will get another apartment closer to work if he bothers to ask for it. He just hasn’t had reason to do so yet, not when this arrangement is so very convenient.

"Brother?" Thor’s voice breaks through the thoughts in his head and Loki looks up from where he’s sitting on the couch to frown at him for the interruption, his mind returning to the present.

Thanos’ voice is droning on from the televisions’ speakers. Neither of them had felt the need to silence it before, not that anyone ever did, and for a moment Loki’s head hurts and he wishes, strangely, that he could go back to bed even though he’s only just gotten up. Instead, he takes his coffee mug from the table and takes another sip, the hot, bitter liquid almost scalding the back of his throat as he swallows.

"What is it, Thor?"

"It will be time to leave soon."

With the thought of leaving comes the thought of dealing with Stark once more and Loki would be lying if he denied that he’d spent a large part of his night thinking up more questions to ask the man. Stark is too clever for his own good and he may have managed to keep the important things to himself so far, but Loki is cleverer and he knows how to get people to talk, even if they’re sense offenders.

Especially if they’re sense offenders.

"I am ready," he says, draining the last of his coffee and putting the mug away.

Today he will find out where the resistance is hiding, and if he has to spend all day talking to Stark to do so.

* * *

They don’t talk while Thor drives. It’s a habit they’ve had since Loki moved in with Thor - an unspoken rule that they won’t break the silence in the car unless entirely necessary. Living in close quarters as they do necessitates using what little silence and privacy they have to the best effect. Loki doesn’t know what Thor uses the time in the car for, nor would he ever ask because what goes on in Thor’s head is only his own concern, but he tends to prepare himself for work - getting into the right headspace, thinking about how to approach something or someone, or even just looking out of the window and letting his mind settle.

It’s how he manages to be completely calm even when he walks through the door and is immediately intercepted by the Other. He has only spoken to Thanos’ right hand man only a few times and it is only as well, for he is… odd. As well-versed as Loki claims to be with words, it always seems like he never quite understands all the implications of what the Other’s speaks. Still, Loki greets him respectfully.

"Is Stark talking?" he asks now and Loki blinks at the question.

The Other hardly ever takes interest in their prisoners, for it means that Thanos is also paying attention to said person and it has never happened with one of Loki’s prisoners before. For all that they’re a menace, Thanos hardly ever bothers with the fight against the resistance; does, in fact, not seem to take it serious at all, like they’re all beneath his notice. Truly, he seems like he’s just bothering with them to give the Clerics something to do, sometimes. The fact that Stark’s name is known to them speaks for itself, and, for a moment, Loki asks himself what the man can possibly know that’s important enough for Thanos to feel the need to involve himself.

"What of?" he finds himself questioning. "The man babbles without pause, though he says hardly anything of importance. I suspect he knows what’s expected of him, even if I do not, so he speaks of anything but."

The Other makes a thoughtful sound, like he is actually turning Loki’s words over in his head, but Loki knows that in the end he will only bring the news to Thanos before saying anything further about this. The man is nothing but a marionette himself, after all.

"He also knows that he will not be harmed as long as he keeps the information that is requested of him silent," Loki finds himself saying, finally voicing the one thing that makes the situation so much more difficult than it has to be, because the man knows of his worth to Thanos, whatever it is, and behaves accordingly. "It gives him control of the situation in a way that makes it difficult to get him to answer our questions."

They are almost at the entrance to the cells, and for a moment Loki wonders if the Other himself intends to actually meet Stark and have words with him. It’s a strange thought and a shiver crawls over Loki’s back up to his neck, even though it’s not cold in this part of the building.

However, the Other ends up stopping a few steps away from the door, nodding at him. "I will speak to Thanos," he says, like it’s something he has any control over. "We cannot keep him here for much longer, in any case."

Loki doesn’t know why they can’t - they don’t usually keep anyone for so long, but he’d think Stark is already an exception to that rule, do a few more days really matter that much? - but he nods and keeps walking towards where said man is currently in his cell while the Other walks in another direction - probably to speak to Thanos.

* * *

"Oh, it’s everyone’s favorite Cleric! You look a little squished, if I can say that. Didn’t sleep well? I get it, I didn’t either. The beds in here are horrible, you’d be surprised which parts of your body can hurt because of a broken spring in the mattress. Nightmares? Fucking horrible, those — I get it, they can—"

"I don’t dream," Loki interrupts before Stark manages to lose himself in the stream of senseless chatter that comes out of his mouth whenever he opens it. If he does, Loki will not be getting anything intelligible from him for hours and by now he knows to avoid that. "It is an effect of Prozium. I suspect you would not know, being a sense offender."

"Ouch, that wounds me," Stark gasps dramatically, lifting one hand to his chest in a gesture that’s as fake as it is overdone. He can’t quite raise it far enough to make it seem anything but ridiculous, the chains holding him in his chair not so long as to allow for a great range of motion.  Stark doesn’t seem bothered by it, though, discarding the fake reaction a second later and dropping his hands in his lap, his bounds only just allowing for the movement. "Actually, no, it doesn’t. But then, you’re not wrong. I guess I’d rather have nightmares than be an empty puppet."

He doesn’t have to say it to let Loki know that there’s supposed to be a ‘like you’ in there.

Something niggles at the back of his mind at what Stark said, but Loki pushes it away. There is no time for distractions, not when the Other, and with that Thanos, has an interest in this. Especially not if Stark is to be moved soon. Loki will not allow that to happen without finding out all there is about the resistance and Stark himself first.

"Why is Thanos interested in you?" he asks on a whim and Stark looks at him strangely for a moment. It’s one Loki can’t classify at all and it takes a few moments for Stark to turn his attention away from him once more, playing with the watch on his wrist, turning the little nub at the side of it like he doesn’t know what else to do to keep his hands busy.

"How would I know?" There is something strange in his voice that has never been there before, a tenseness to his posture that’s there and gone again so fast, Loki almost misses it.

"You knew he wouldn’t kill you. Is that not reason enough for me to suspect you know more than you pretend?"

Stark presses his lips together and glares at him hatefully and Loki almost smiles for no other reason than to unsettle him. It always seems to do so when he sees appearances of emotions on Loki’s face, knowing fully well that they are nothing but a mocking farce. That alone is reason enough for Loki to keep on playing at having _feelings_.

"Tell me, how do you feel, forsaken by your friends as you have been?" Loki changes the subject completely.

Stark looks taken aback for only a second, before his expression does something strange. Then he starts chuckling. It’s just a soft sound at first, little giggles slipping out between his lips, but it turns into full-bellied laughter within seconds, until Stark has to fight to take breaths to calm down, gasping out half-formed words until he gives up and just lets himself laugh for a while.

"Either all your previous prisoners have been idiots, or they just wanted to make you feel better by telling you what you wanted to hear," he finally says, still a little breathless and Loki blinks. "Seriously, you could do better. 3/10, would not recommend."

"What—" Loki starts, because he just does not understand that man and what about the situation had made him laugh. Whenever he thinks he has him figured out, Stark manages to say or do something that seems like it’s senseless drivel, and by now Loki is getting to a point where he does in fact believe that there may be some meaning behind the words the man spouts continually.

"Oh no," Stark interrupts, still smirking and shaking his head. "Seriously, that was transparent like you wouldn’t believe. And guess what? If you wanted me to feel bad for your really horrible interrogation techniques, that actually kind of worked. I’ll give you a hint, because you obviously didn’t listen to me before, otherwise you’d probably know what Thanos wants with me. You don’t seem stupid. I mean, I could be wrong, but—"

Loki clears his throat, ignoring the offenses against his person spilling from Stark’s lips and focusing instead on the promise of knowledge. If only the man would stay on track and stop babbling.

"Oh, seriously," Stark rolls his eyes. "I even _told_ you! You need to listen to your prisoners when you interrogate them, really. This is just rude. My dad used to make weapons. It’s pretty safe to think that I learned a bit from him about it, even if you don’t consider that I’m a genius who could work it out on his own - which I am, and I could. So, I wonder, what would Thanos _possibly_ want from me?" Stark sends a scathing look at Loki when he doesn’t immediately respond. "Please tell me you got it now, because I don't think I can be even clearer about this without spelling it out for you."

Loki frowns and is about to respond when he hears commotion coming from outside. In a building as quiet as this usually is, sound carries and that they can hear it doesn’t actually mean that there is in fact something close. However, with a member of the resistance who is apparently not like their usual prisoners, it would be unwise to ignore such a situation completely, as he is usually wont to do.

A wary glance in Stark’s direction shows him still chained and weaponless and Loki opens the door to glance outside because showing his back to a restrained man is the lesser evil to being surprised by intruders coming from the corridor.

The Chitauri normally guarding the sides of the interrogation room are gone, but that’s to be expected. They probably left as soon as signs of trouble began to reach this part of the building, moving towards where there is greater need for them. He expects Clerics to be rushing off to help with whatever is causing the disturbances, but he doesn’t even get to check before Thor pushes past him into the room, blocking the corridor from his sight entirely and throwing the door closed behind himself before Loki can get a clear impression of what is going on outside the room.

"Why are you—"

"Silence, brother," Thor says sharply and for a moment Loki just… looks at him. The niggling in the back of his mind is back, stronger than ever before and Loki doesn’t like the thoughts that are forcing themselves upon him.

"Thor," he says slowly, drawn out and stares at the man who suddenly seems so foreign to him for reasons Loki cannot exactly pin down. Quiet shuffling behind him does nothing to dissuade him - Stark is in chains, he will not get free in a few seconds he is looking away - and Loki narrows his eyes at the way Thor won’t look at him and is instead staring at the opposite wall as if it is the most important thing in the room. "Are you—"

Then something clatters and clashes and that does get him to check on Stark because how can the man be irritating when he’s confined to a chair? Finding the man on the floor, cursing because he tipped over the chair _with him in it_ , the fool, he turns back to Thor, only to find himself looking at nothing.

"What—" he begins, when he feels something shifting behind him and he starts to move out of the way right before everything goes dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was completely blown away by the amazing feedback, thank you to everyone who read, commented and gave kudos! And again thank you to plumadesatada for beta-reading this! <3
> 
> Since I'm supposed to be programming something for uni right now, here, have a chapter.
> 
> As for future updates, I'll try and make them once a week, though probably not always on the same day because I'm not consistent like that. (Also, the last of my finals might get in the way.)


	3. Chapter 3

"Well..."

"Quiet, Stark," Thor mutters, as he moves over to open the chains that are still keeping Tony in his chair. Even while he does that, his eyes never leave Loki's still body for long, and a blink later, he's back at his brother's side, hefting him up in his arms.

"You know, if I hadn't seen the little trick with the pressure spot I'd probably think that he's dead… He's _not_ dead, right? You didn't accidently kill your own brother, did you?"

That would be awkward.

But then, Loki is breathing, so Tony is reasonably sure he's not dead. Even so, Thor looks miserably at Loki every few seconds and Tony would roll his eyes if he weren't so sure that Thor would notice, the ever-vigilant worrywart that he is.

"You would do well to cease your prattling, lest we be discovered," Thor warns, but his glances at Loki get even more sorrowful.

A group of people rushes by outside, accompanied by shouting. Whatever distraction had been arranged, they'd made sure it would take time to get under control, apparently. Probably Natasha's work, Tony thinks and can't smother the dark amusement he gets from the thought.

Natasha's diversions tend to be pretty malicious, to the point where some of them feel almost uncomfortable with the level of deviousness she possesses. Sometimes Tony and the others wonder if she has a personal vendetta against the Chitauri, but none of them are curious enough to risk their life and actually ask her, so they're doomed to forever speculating about it.

Another group of what are probably Chitauri rushes by outside, communicating in the strange, clicking and hissing language they have yet to figure out how to understand fully.

It's probably easier to keep them under control like that, Tony thinks drily. Because who would be able to convince them to stop what they're doing if they can't actually communicate with each other at all? It seems like even gesticulations mean different things for them, as Clint had once told them breathlessly. The 'calm down, guys' motions he had made with his hands to let them know that he didn't mean to attack? Yeah, that hadn't gone so well.

They'd never figured out what Clint had unwittingly told the Chitauri, but apparently it hadn't been very polite. It's safe to say that this had been the last time any of them had tried to communicate in hand motions with the guys. They just tend to run and hide nowadays, not that Tony likes to think about it like that. It's more of a... strategic retreat, really. They're being all grown up and sensible and hiding from Chitauri and Clerics alike when they seem to be on a hunt for the resistance.

"Stark," Thor mutters suddenly. "We must go."

That's all the warning Tony gets before Thor vanishes out the door and Tony scrambles to follow because if there's one place where he doesn't want to be alone, it's here. Besides, it's probably better if he's found in Thor's presence if someone does turn up, nevermind that the guy is carrying an unconscious Loki around in his arms. At least he has his hammer.

For a moment Tony laments the fact that Loki hadn't had some sort of weapon, because then he'd at least be able to actually defend himself if someone _does_ catch them sneaking out. But then, Loki would probably have maimed Tony a while ago, if weapons were permitted in the interrogation rooms, just for daring not to tell him everything he knows.

After taking that into consideration, having to rely on Thor to get out of the building seems like the better option of the two, all of a sudden.

Tony hides behind a pillar with Thor when they hear more footsteps coming towards them. He has to squeeze almost uncomfortably close to him, but then, Thor is a wall of muscle and sun-bronzed skin, so he doesn't exactly mind. It's a bit of a turn off that they're technically on enemy land, though.

Oh, and that there's a limp body in Thor's arms. That's a little weird, as well.

A noisy wave of Clerics moves past them (Thanos is rolling out the big guns, then. What can the others have cooked up that requires this much backup?) and Tony mentally shakes his head. It's strange, but living where he usually does, he's forgotten how chaotic life can be.

You'd think people without emotions would be like robots - pure efficiency - but they're not. They still have idiotic moments, only without the emotional entanglement that might usually have people in knots about it. Even being trained by the Other's Chitauri (who are actually part machine, even if it's weirdly organic, as Tony has found) doesn't seem to make a lot of them all that useful.

Natasha is so much better than them, he thinks as he watches Thor look around the pillar to make sure nobody is lingering in the hallway.

Not that it says much, because Natasha is better than pretty much anyone at stealthy shit. Except maybe Loki, if what he's heard of him is true. And that actually reminds him...

"You know, Loki's probably not going to thank you for this," he points out quietly, because it's the truth. Nobody should be able to say Tony hadn't warned him, never mind that he's sure Thor is going to ignore him.

"Hush." That's all the reaction Tony gets before Thor fucking _sprints out of their hiding place_ and down the corridor.

"Oh, fucking hell."

Thor must've used some sort of super-secret Cleric abilities to be able to run at full speed and still make hardly any noise while he's _also_ carrying another guy. Because Tony sure as hell needs to be careful not to take any loud steps to make sure that their echo won't alert anyone to him escaping.

"Coulda warned me," he mutters sourly when he comes to stand next to Thor once more, hiding behind another pillar and this is starting to become repetitive and boring. Not that he actually says that out loud because with the way everything is going, the next wave of Clerics or Chitauri or whoever would probably end up running right into them and then they'd be shit out of luck because even Thor would probably have to put down his brother to be able to take them down and at the moment that doesn't seem like it's going to happen anytime soon.

"I did ask you to cease talking," Thor reminds, keeping lookout. "Now come. We must be quick."

And for once, Tony actually does as he's told, rushing off after Thor in the direction of the library. At least Tony hopes that they are, because they can't exactly leave through the front door. He hopes Thor is aware of that.

Whatever was used as distraction must be winding down, or at least start to look like it's under control, because they don't run into any more people for a while and Tony almost starts thinking that they're in the clear.

Of course that's when a door in front of them opens and the clicking sounds tell Tony that it's Chitauri without them actually having set foot in the hallway, yet.

Before Tony can hiss at Thor to _do something_ , Loki is shoved at him and woah, the guy is heavier than he looks and Tony almost falls over at the sudden increase in weight he has to carry.

"Keep him safe," Thor orders quietly before he takes his hammer and… well, Tony kind of blinks and misses everything.

There had been only five of them, Tony sees later, and they'd been surprised by Thor. That was probably what had allowed everything to be over in just moments and Tony feels almost nervous at the thought of how quickly Thor had knocked them out (or killed them?) because he's never actually seen him fight before, and fuck, he's good. And suddenly he feels even more uncomfortable holding Loki upright as he is, because what if he _wakes up_?

But then Thor is taking him back and Tony will forever deny the relieved sigh that escapes him at not being in immediate danger of being decapitated anymore.

However, Tony can't help looking back at the Chitauri lying in the hallway as they start walking again, and he hopes that they won't be found before they're gone. This is a pretty big sign that all is not as it should be, he thinks, but they don't have the time to hide them in a closet somewhere, not that there are any closets around.

Altogether, ignoring the little thing with the Chitauri, the whole thing actually goes pretty well. Tony is not used to plans working out like that, but then, they also have Loki with them, so maybe that's enough 'not working out' to satisfy their usual bad luck.

"I can't believe they still haven't found this," Tony mutters, searching for the hidden panel under the librarian's desk once they've _finally_ reached the library. It's something that was apparently built by Tony's dad while Thanos still thought he was on his side, but he doesn't know if that's true, since his dad didn't live long before his status as a 'sense offender' became known and killed him. "They must be completely useless at technology."

The panel hiding a touchpad slides aside and Tony makes a triumphant sound as he types in the code to make part of the floor behind what's supposed to be the librarian's desk slide aside and reveal a ladder. The hole is just big enough for Thor to fit through and Tony stares at how Thor manages to move down without dropping his brother.

"How the fuck— That has to be some kind of circus trick," Tony mutters to himself before he follows and the floorboard slips back into place over them. Everything takes maybe twenty seconds and Tony is just glad that everyone seemed to be on the other side of the building for all of it. They don't usually use this entrance because it's dangerous as hell to get caught.

Sure, it's shielded so any kind of activity that might give them away is absorbed - mainly heat and things his inventions are susceptible to giving off, really. But what Howard had created, Tony had made even better and he would probably be really disappointed if Thanos' cronies could find it. After all, everything of it is pretty masterful engineering, if he dare say so.

They reach the bottom of the ladder and Tony is a little impressed that Thor hadn't dropped Loki halfway down because that ladder is long and now he _knows_ that Loki isn't light, even if he is pretty slender compared to Thor. But then, Thor is insanely built and Tony would swear that he's about 90% muscles.

"Hi Jarvis," Tony greets, after they've passed through another door. He's already more cheerful just being in the presence of him again, even if they have an unwanted tag-along that Tony will probably be blamed for, somehow. Even if it's completely Thor's fault. "Did you miss me?"

"With all my heart, Sir," Jarvis says drily and Tony laughs. Besides the ridiculously long way they have to walk to their hideout, he's the other reason why nobody is ever going to be able to sneak up on them.

Jarvis has been his pet project since Tony can remember, and deciding on connecting their headquarters to Thanos' point of operation had been the reason Tony had finally decided to upload him to their servers. The library had gotten a few conveniently placed mini-cameras to warn them if anyone tried to enter by force, and that was that.

Nobody expects the resistance to have the means to spy on Thanos, but they also don't know that Tony can make functioning machinery out of what other people call garbage. And there are a lot of old, broken electronic devices that get disposed of on a daily basis, if only because Thanos takes care to always have working TVs in everybody's homes, so they can hear about the _advantages_ of Prozium whenever they're there.

As it is, they've gotten really good at finding whatever Tony needs amongst broken televisions and disposed of kitchen appliances.

A quiet moan from Loki interrupts the silence they've fallen into and Tony chances a glance at him. The guy is still unconscious, but that doesn't actually make him seem any less threatening. Even like this he seems dangerous and Tony shifts uncomfortably at the thought of just who they're taking with them here.

"Not to destroy the good mood, but... You know he'll probably not appreciate being the target of your unconsciousness-inducing poke, right? I mean, I'm sure you had good intentions and all that, but—"

"This is no business of yours, Stark," Thor interrupts and if he didn't have both hands full with his brother, Tony might actually think about not aggregating the guy who can kill him without making an effort. Or it may be the prolonged incarceration he's just gotten through - he'd just been so bored in there. Things like these are why he's better not left idle. Sitting in a cell somewhere counts as that.

"I actually think it is," he disagrees. Thor glances at him disapprovingly, but then, Tony hadn't really expected anything else. "I mean, you know you're actually putting a lot of people into danger here, right? And that's not even considering that you may be about to compromise the whole plan. Not that I'm normally one for rules, really, I understand the urge to go against them better than you'd believe. But Thor. You won't be able to keep an eye on him all the time and seriously, can you see us keeping him anywhere he doesn't want to be?"

It actually does the job of making Thor stop and think. It's only for a moment, though, then he shakes his head and walks on, not seeing Tony close his eyes and sigh in exasperation behind him.

"I cannot leave him. You don't understand. I would put him in danger simply by leaving him alone."

And Tony hates to say it (think it, actually, but who cares) — he really does not understand. But then, he's never had a sibling. He doesn't try to convince Thor not to do this anymore, either. He familiar with that tone, the 'I've made up my mind, just try to change it'-stubbornness in his voice, because it's one Tony is pretty prone to using himself, so he knows it's useless.

Let him do what he wants. They'll see how it turns out.

And if this ends up ruining everything, he'll fucking kick Thor's ass, never mind that he has about double Tony's muscle mass and could probably decimate him without breaking into sweat...

* * *

It ends up, as Tony predicted, being his fault somehow.

"This was not in the plan."

He shouldn't have expected anything else, really. Steve is looking at him all disappointed, as if Tony had _wanted_ to take Loki with them, and hadn't just been overruled by Thor.

"What were you thinking?"

The guy isn't even here right now, for fucks sake! He'd run off after Banner to put his brother somewhere safe - where he could recuperate, even! It's not like he'd been hit over the head with a hammer or something, he is perfectly fine if you ignore the unconsciousness! Tony really thinks that Thor had just jumped at his chance to avoid having to explain the fuckery he'd made of the plan.

 _'Oh, let's make Stark explain everything, I bet he's great at that—'_ fuck Thor!

"It wasn't even my idea!" he finally just interrupts whatever Steve is saying now. He'd stopped listening to him about five minutes ago, anyway. "Have you _seen_ Thor's puppy dog eyes? I mean, he wasn't using them this time, but if you know them, you also know how super-effective his determined face is, because it's about twice as bad as them."

For a moment it looks like Steve wants to argue with him. Tony is already readying defenses in his head, because he has loads of them and he's not taking the fall for this one, thank you very much. But then Steve deflates and just nods and Tony is almost disappointed he didn't get to add his awesome reasonings for why he couldn't have changed Thor's mind.

But only almost, because knowing Steve, he would probably have managed to turn every one of them around and make it even more Tony's fault somehow.

"I'll talk to him," he says, deflating and he sounds so exhausted that Tony would feel sorry for him if it was, you know, actually his fault and not Thor's that Steve has even more things to worry over now.

Instead, he smiles broadly. "He went with Banner to look for a room for Loki, if you don't know where to look for him. I'll be going to get to know my lab again now, you have fun!"

If Steve says anything more, Tony doesn't hear because he's already halfway through the next door, heading towards his lab. He has no wish to get roped into another round of 'try to get Thor to understand that his brother is dangerous and should not be staying with people he might want to _kill dead'_. He'd already lost the first one, no need to repeat that.

"Keep an eye on our new-arrival, okay?", he asks Jarvis once he's at the door to his lab and typing in the code to get in. Nobody here to overhear him. "I don't want him getting out and telling Thanos where we're hiding."

"Of course, Sir. Surveillance is running."

"Awesome. Now to concentrate on more important stuff—" He stops abruptly and blinks. Nothing changes about what he's seeing. "What— Jarvis, why the hell is everything all…" he waves his hand around a bit, not really knowing how to say it, but finally settling for a plaintive, "tidy?"

If he didn't know better, he'd say Jarvis is laughing when he answers.

"Miss Potts took it upon herself to see to the lab getting cleaned during your absence, Sir."

"But _why_?" He's aware that he's whining, but really. It's his space, he needs it to be chaotic because that's just the way he works. He won't be able to find any of his stuff like this!

It is not, however, Jarvis who answers him this time.

"You do know you're sharing the lab with me, right?" comes the dry question and Tony immediately forgets about the lab being _tidy_. (Ew.)

"Brucie! You're back from Loki already! Did he wake up? Has he gone all homicidal on Thor, yet? Actually forget that, more importantly, did you _miss me_?"

There's amusement in Bruce's eyes when he shakes his head over Tony's exuberance, but also genuine fondness, and Tony beams.

"You did! Did you know, they don't actually have nice beds in those cells. And it was so _boring_."

"I'm sure it was," Bruce says mildly. "I'm actually here to take you to the infirmary real quick, just for a quick checkup. I know you want to work," he interrupts before Tony can do more than open his mouth in protest. "But it won't take long and I'll feel better knowing you're okay."

That steals all of Tony's thunder because even if he can quash pity for Steve while the guy is looking like a sad puppy, Bruce's genuine worry is a lot more difficult to deflect. In the end he he just grumbles while getting up to follow Bruce.

"I do hope that's not where Loki is, though," he mutters, "I've seen enough of him to last me a lifetime."

Bruce just laughs and Tony feels his heart drop a little.

"It's not Bruce, right? Aww, seriously, the guy is so horrible, why would you— Bruce, answer me, _Bruce_!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was actually supposed to be out sooner, but my internet in my dormroom was turned off after I'd reached my monthly download limit, and that was only the 28th. To say that I was pretty lost without internet for the last few days is an understatement.
> 
> Also, this was again beta-read by plumadesatada (thanks!). However, I changed quite a few things around after that, so if you find/found any more mistakes, they're all mine and I'm terribly sorry, I just didn't want to wait anymore before finally posting this.
> 
> As always, thanks for reading, for the comments, kudos and bookmarks! Have a nice weekend!
> 
> EDIT: It might take me more than a week to finish the next chapter. My programming assignment is due on 13th February and C is difficult.


	4. Chapter 4

He doesn't know where he is upon waking, but he does know he is not at home. There is the sound of people around him, and the last thing he remembers is talking to Stark, which is a good indication that something went very wrong at some point during the interrogation. Keeping his eyes closed and breathing quietly and evenly, Loki tries to collect what information he can about his surroundings using his other senses without alerting anyone to the fact that he is awake.

People are bustling around him, speaking words so softly they are difficult to tell apart from each other. After a few minutes he decides that there can't be more than maybe eight or nine. Not a sufficiently large number to keep him down, should he want to leave, in any case.

Moving his arms as if he's doing it in his sleep, Loki finds them unrestrained, a grievous mistake if they intend to keep him where he is against his wishes. The surface he's lying on is soft and obviously some sort of mattress, so he is not in a cell of any kind, unless his capturers are particularly courteous individuals. But that still does not explain how he had—

 _Thor_.

He's been betrayed by his own brother.

The thought burns, and part of him wants to ignore the possibility only because it must mean that Thor was able to deceive him in the first place, but suddenly it all makes a twisted kind of sense. Loki remembers the day they'd taken in Stark, and how Thor had watched the telescope. How there had been something in his face, something Loki had not known how to classify. Now he knows.

Thor is a sense offender.

He has to have been working together with Stark – the timing of the breakout was too perfect for it to be anything else but planned and Loki wants to curse. He had managed to miss Sigyn's dealings with the resistance and sworn to himself never to miss tells like hers again, but now he had gone and made the same mistakes with his brother.

He is truly a fool and once he gets back to work, he will make them all pay for making him feel like a failure. First of all–

"Come on, Bruce! I'm fine, let me get back to work! It's been so long, my babies need me!"

_Stark._

There is a snort, which Loki suspects comes from the person Stark is talking to, and a calm, quiet answer he does not understand, because it's drowned out by the other people around him.

Stark's response, a long whine, is loud enough for Loki to hear once more, though. It truly seems like the man is unable to do anything in another way than loud or obnoxious.

He listens to the bustling sounds around him for a while, but there are no more words from either Stark or his companion and nobody seems to be paying attention to him.

As far as he can tell when looking through his eyelashes, his surroundings are, while not dark, not so bright that they might blind him for the first few moments after opening his eyes, but Loki is still careful, lest someone catch on that he is actually awake already. He does not want anyone to notice he is conscious quite yet.

It turns out to be a futile undertaking, as there is a woman sitting next to his bed, staring at him unblinkingly. Considering he had not heard her take that place, she had to have been watching him since before he'd awoken, and for a moment the thought of what she might have noticed makes him almost uneasy.

"You're awake," she says and she sounds neither impressed, nor surprised and Loki suspects she might have known him to be awake since the moment he's regained consciousness.

He does not answer, as she clearly does not expect him to, and she presses a button next to his bed before sitting back in her chair and staring at him once more.

There is an almost disquieting blankness in her gaze, considering Loki believes himself to be in the resistance's hideout. She holds herself like a Cleric and he does not doubt for a moment that she is deadly and would kill him without hesitation if he tried to leave the room without permission now. He can only guess how someone like her came to be with the resistance.

"He is awake," she says, not averting her eyes from his, and there is a threat in them that Loki finds himself graciously accepting with a nod.

"So I see," a man says and his steps sound familiar and Loki doesn't doubt that he'd been in the room before when Loki counted how many of them there were. "Can you move your toes?"

What follows is an almost embarrassing check-over. Loki could have told the doctor that he is just fine, that the blow to his head had not damaged his brain or even his spine, but the man is adamant about needing to check, himself. The woman is still watching Loki, so he decides not to protest, because while he is fine enough, he does not want to fight his way out just yet.

"We've discontinued the Prozium," the doctor says calmly, fussing with bandages and ointments by his side.

Loki sits up abruptly. He does not even care about how the woman follows the movement hawk-like, how she tenses as if expecting an attack and he does not doubt that she has some sort of weapon ready to neutralize him in a matter of moments. "You cannot do that!"

He does not want to _feel_ , to become one of these people, weak and _pathetic_. He does not want to betray everything he believes in. And he will certainly not work with these traitors. They may have managed to convince Thor of their good intentions or whatever had persuaded him to forsake his own brother and all he had worked for his whole life.

They will certainly not do the same to him.

He stares back into the woman's cold eyes as the doctor shifts next to him. The bandages on his head haven't been changed yet, which is probably why the man is still standing there, but Loki has no intention of letting him do so before the little matter of the Prozium is cleared.

"You will not take this from me," he says slowly and even though his eyes are still trained on the woman, he is talking to both of them. "You will not take my mind and fill it with senseless drivel."

"You have an interesting interpretation of the words... what were they? 'Senseless drivel', right?"

The only reason he does not try to strangle the man right then and there is because his head is hurting just enough for it to be a hindrance and he does not want to fight his way out through an unknown number of people quite yet. He almost laughs in his anger because there is nothing else he can do at the moment. Of course he would not be able to escape the infuriating man even now. It would be just his luck.

"Will I never be able to be rid of you?" he asks instead, finally averting his eyes from the woman, even if it is with reluctance that he does so. She looks at him like a killer at his mark and he dislikes turning his back on her, but the need to glare at Stark is stronger, ridiculous as it is.

"Oh, you know you'd miss me," Stark simpers exaggeratedly, and Loki decides to ignore the words. And the man.

As does the doctor who is finally going back to the bandage around Loki's head and peeling it off. He's careful about it, not that he needs to be – the slight pain of the fabric pulling at the scabs is hardly the worst he's ever felt and he would prefer the bandage change to be over sooner rather than later, since it doesn't seem as if Stark (or the doctor, for that matter) is going to leave before they have completed whichever matter they intend to.

"Where is my Prozium?" Loki asks, once again staring at the woman, who seems like she did not avert his eyes while he talked to Stark and the doctor, at all. The latter makes a soft, negative sound.

"Not here, I'm afraid," he says, pushing his glasses further up his nose. "We don't keep any Prozium around like this, because–"

"Banner," the woman says and even though the word is soft, it reinforces Loki's belief of her being a fighter further. The doctor – Banner – falls quiet immediately, while Stark makes an aborted, irritated sound.

"Come on, it's not like he's gonna get out," he says, and the look he gets in response to that is one that could have come from Loki himself, to his brother. Tempting the fates like that is just stupid, and it solidifies Loki's conviction to escape from this hideout. He will be able to get back to Thanos and tell him where the resistance hides and they will give him Prozium and everything will go back to normal.

Thor will have to be interrogated and executed, but Loki cannot even bring himself to think it to be a shame – besides the criminal offense of discontinuing the Prozium, he had also betrayed Loki, after all. He did not deserve differently.

Banner ignores the two people behind him, instead looking at Loki with something that would almost look like pity, if it weren't aimed at him.

"You'll start feeling better soon, once you've grown accustomed to the change. It can be a little overwhelming at first, but that's natural, so try not to let it bother you," Banner explains and pulls a small vial out of the bag he brought with him.

Loki notices only peripherally that Stark and the woman have stopped their squabbling, instead watching sharply as the doctor draws the fluid into a syringe.

"What is that?" he asks distrustfully, glaring at the syringe like he'll suddenly figure out what is in it without knowing more than its colour.

"Just something to ease the transition. I'd give you a light sedative, but we can't be sure you don't have a concussion yet, so I'd rather not take the chance."

"I do not believe that will be necessary, Doctor Banner," comes the unexpected protest before Loki can voice his own objection. He cannot even feel vindicated in the fact that someone shares his assessment of the situation, as the person who had spoken is nobody else but Thor, looking at Loki as if that little show of support should be enough to get back in his good graces.

"I find it intriguing that you don't seem to have any reservations about looking me in the eye after betraying me quite so thoroughly," Loki states quietly. It was only because he knows him so well that he catches the flinch in response to his cold words and he feels a little vindication because of it, but it is not nearly enough to propitiate him, not that anything could be. "I hope it was worth it once I have explained the matter to the Other and you receive the punishment that is your due for the betrayal you have wrought."

"Brother–"

He is interrupted by a snort that is neither quiet nor graceful in any way and Loki does not even have to avert his eyes from Thor to look at Stark to know it was him. It is good to know that not only Loki, but apparently everyone is unable to finish their words when Stark wants to be heard.

"Stuff it, Shakespeare. You're not telling anything to anyone. If it'd been up to me, we'd have left you there, but you're here now, so forget going back to your old life as if nothing happened. You should be glad, really–"

"Oh, I should be glad?", Loki interrupts, because the man does not only babble when he is trying to save his own skin, apparently. "I should be _glad_ to have been bereft of my life, of everything I ever worked towards, of my safety? You take my choice from me, my _mind_ , and yet think yourself in the right? Should Thanos or the Other ever find out about this, you will have condemned me to death, I hope you are aware of that, _brother_."

The last word is said with enough venom to garner another flinch from Thor, but considering his situation, Loki cannot get any satisfaction even from that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, ethical issues about stopping Loki's Prozium without his permission. Discuss. (If you want to. I'm interested in what you think! Thinking of it as them stopping what's basically Loki's medication without his say-so actually makes my skin crawl.)
> 
> I am sorry it took me so long to finish this short-ish chapter. I never intended to let you wait for almost three months. Anyway, as you've probably already concluded, I'm stopping the weekly updates for now. This semester is stressful as it is and exams are starting soon. I'll try for roughly every second week, but I can't make any promises.
> 
> As always, thanks to all my readers/commenters/kudo-givers and to my wonderful beta plumadesatada, who got back to me and had the chapter beta read only a couple of hours after I'd finished writing it!


	5. Chapter 5

This makes no sense. It's way too fast.

"Bruce," Tony mutters, staring at the fighting brothers, but mostly at Loki, who is spitting insults at Thor while Thor is just looking back at him like a kicked puppy. "Why is it—"

"I don't know," Bruce shrugs, but he seems really intrigued and his fingers are twitching as if he wants to take some blood from Loki to check the Prozium levels in it. It's probably a good thing he doesn't actually try - judging by the state Loki is in, Tony doesn't doubt that he would take off Bruce's arm before any of them could interfere.

"I do," Thor says quietly, or as quietly as he ever is, which means it still drowns out what everyone else is saying. But then, everyone else but Loki is also not saying much at all, so it's actually okay this once. And Loki shuts up at that as well, so Thor suddenly finds himself surrounded by silence and expectant looks. For a moment, he looks almost daunted by that, before he visibly steels himself.

Against what, Tony can't imagine, but it must be bad with how long it takes him to start explaining. The silence stretches until even Bruce looks impatient. Tony is about to say something, when Thor looks at the floor and sighs deeply and even Tony knows that it would be insensitive to rush him. (Even if he really wants to.)

"It started with Sigyn," Thor says finally, and it sounds like it physically hurts him to speak the words. 

And now that he thinks about it, Loki kind of _looks_ like it hurts him to _hear_ them.

"She was with us. I'm sure you remember it," he smiles tersely at Natasha and Tony.

Tony, for his part, is just glad that he isn't actually expected to answer, because he can't recollect much more than the fuzzy image of a beautiful woman with a pained smile and he wouldn't have the heart to say it out loud.

"She was—" Thor stops, looking away from them all, avoiding eye contact and pressing his lips together, like he doesn't know how to continue.

"She was perfect," Loki says tonelessly, before he looks up from the bedspread to glare at them. "Until she betrayed me and was executed for it. And now the same is going to happen to me because you are being a stupid idiot," he spits. "You must be so happy, _brother_."

The way Loki says it, it sounds like a curse.

Thor looks downtrodden as Loki goes back to sulking at his blanket. "She exchanged every second dose of your Prozium with a placebo of the same color until she was found out," Thor says, quickly like it needs to come out all at once or he'll cop out and looks at Loki like he dreads his reaction.

Tony grimaces because he just knows that's going to go over well. The guy was angry when the thought the only betrayal his wife was "guilty" of was not taking the Prozium, to find that she'd tricked him into not taking his? That has to hurt. Especially considering that the guy is all over the place anyway.

Loki stiffens, but he doesn't look up from the fabric under his fingers. He doesn't need to, for them to know that he's currently glaring holes through the bedsheets. "So she decided, as well as you, to ignore that anyone might notice and decide to persecute me as a sense offender? Really, your concern for my well-being continues to astound me. She had it coming, then, if she thought she could betray me like that, and you do as well."

Despite himself, Tony almost makes a step back at the look Thor gets on his face at those words. It's like his face can't decide between angry and heartbroken and if Tony didn't want to avoid drawing attention to himself right now - because let's face it, he might be awesome, but the two guys are deadly when they want to be and he doesn't doubt Loki wants to be very much.

"Do not speak of your wife like that," Thor growls and Tony is proud to say that he absolutely does not take a step back, no sir. Neither does Bruce, but then, the guy can turn green and mean and angry if the situation warrants it, so that's neither here nor there.

Loki still doesn't look at Thor, but he snorts and the caustic amusement in his tone talks for itself. "I speak as I wish," he says, and seriously, the not-looking-at-them thing is getting old. "Do not presume to tell me what to do, just because you think yourself the more virtuous one in this situation, when in truth you are nothing but a _traitor_."

Tony hides a grimace at the way Thor rears back like he was slapped. It's kind of awkward, being present at a fight between siblings, and to say the truth he doesn't even know why he's still standing here. But Bruce isn't making any moves to leave the room and Tony is definitely not leaving him alone with two guys who might get violent and draw Bruce into it, somehow.

"We were trying to—" Thor begins, but Loki doesn't even let him finish.

"You were trying to get me killed, apparently," he hisses and with the way his knuckles turn white from the pressure as he balls his hands into fists, he looks like he's going to get up and punch Thor in the face any moment now.

Not that Thor's all that calm, either. In fact, he seems like he'd really appreciate having his hammer on hand at the moment.

Tony would like to avoid an outright fight, if possible, not that he has any idea what to do to defuse the situation. With his luck, he'd manage to draw both of the brothers' ire onto himself. So he looks at Bruce and asks him with his eyes to do something. If anyone knows how to calm down angry people, it's Bruce, considering he has one in his mind. Not that Bruce would call the Hulk a person, so, maybe beings "angry beings" would be more fitting.

Tony is so absorbed into his thoughts - because seriously, he can't listen to the brothers' bickering any longer, it's getting annoying - he almost misses Bruce's words when he actually does say something.

"Do you know how Prozium works?" he asks, and even though the words are soft-spoken, they make Loki and Thor shut up and look at him.

Tony once again wishes he knew how Bruce does it, because that just has to be some sort of superpower.

"It shuts down part of the brain," he continues and while Tony _did_ know how Prozium works, it does sound even worse when just… said like that. "All the horrible feelings you don't want to have? Actually something the brain has a huge part in. So you've basically been running around with a part-asleep brain for years now. I mean, you don't have to listen to me, but if I were you? I wouldn't want to have a chemical that should technically still be in its trial phase in my brain. But that's just me."

Tony absolutely does not hold his breath, but he can safely admit that he is a little curious if Loki is going to shut up for a moment to think that over.

While Loki is mourning his half-asleep brain cells or whatever he's doing while he's staring at the bedsheets, Bruce makes some sort of movement with his hands to get Thor to leave the room. They're definitely not taking the chance of the whole thing escalating again just because Loki can't look at Thor's face without getting angry.

"Look, let me be honest with you," Bruce says before Loki can catch himself and start working himself up again. "Even if you went back? If you told them what happened? Chances are, nobody would even listen to you after you've told them about not taking the Prozium."

"And whose fault is that," Loki says venomously, but Bruce doesn't let him get in more than those few words edgewise.

"Have you ever asked yourself why they don't just imprison sense offenders and force them to take Prozium again?"

Tony is kind of fascinated with the way Loki's expression twists at those words. It's clear that he has and Tony guesses it was after Sigyn was killed. 

The overabundance of feelings Loki sometimes shows - at least for someone who's not supposed to be a sense offender - is actually understandable now that they know what Sigyn did. It's just a surprise to know that Loki survived this long without anyone catching on, if even he hadn't known that he was feeling emotions that he was supposed to hide.

Considering only every second of his doses had been a placebo, everything must have been muted, but still. Loki must have worked to fit in without being consciously aware of it, which, he's not kidding himself by telling himself it's not, is fascinating.

"Once you've stopped taking the Prozium," Bruce continues, "it never starts working quite that well again. We're not made to be emotionless. Our body rebels against it."

"Is that so?" Loki asks, and while he does his best to seem disinterested, Tony doesn't doubt that he is actually hanging on to every one of Bruce's words and absorbing the new information like a sponge. There's nothing about the way Loki holds his body that tells him so, just that it's what Tony would do and that he sees something of himself in Thor's brother that he can't even label.

"You know, they can't keep up that Prozium shit forever," Tony says, apropos of nothing.

Bruce looks at him in alarm, which is kind of hilarious because for once he isn't going to poke the not-quite-sleeping bear. Not that he doesn't want to, because Loki might behave like he's going to take their heads off any minute, but he's also interesting.

Which doesn't mean that he'd want to be alone in a room with him without Bruce's presence, at the moment.

"No, I'm serious," he says, because he is, and shrugs. "Think about it. You really believe nobody ever forgets about a dose? Breaks it by accident?" Tony laughs and shakes his head, taking a step forward because he's only just getting _started_. "Dude, I'm not a woman and even _I_ know how often they mess up birth control pills. You think that happens with Prozium any less?"

There's a snort from Natasha, but Tony doesn't let that deter him, waving his hands, because this is _important_.

"Twenty-four hours are enough to disrupt the flow of the chemicals to the brain completely," he explains, pacing back and forth. "Taking it later than the time they're supposed to? Congratulations, they've managed to wake up part of their brain and fuck with the Prozium's effectiveness. Oh, and probably earned themselves a prison sentence to go with that. They take it the next day, and the next, and the next, but it will never work quite as well again, even if they don't notice. Then, maybe, they forget again. It happens often enough? They might as well give up on taking that damn drug."

"That's not quite—" Bruce says, and if Tony isn't completely wrong there's some amusement in his tone, which never hurts, because Tony likes to make Bruce laugh. "I mean, sort of, but not really?"

"It's true enough," Tony insists and Bruce doesn't disagree, so he figures it might actually be.

Whatever it is, at least it got Loki to shut up and go back to glaring wordlessly at the bedsheets.

"You should rest," Bruce suggests pleasantly, turning to leave. "Someone will come by every few hours to check on you, so you won't be alone. If you don't feel well, just press the button next to your bed and someone will be with you in a moment."

It's the typical doctor talk that Bruce gives everyone who hasn't been in the infirmary before, and Tony zones out for as long as it takes him to be finished. When Bruce finally turns to leave, Tony makes a sort-of half-wave in Loki's direction and takes off after him.

"You know that medicine is really not your area, right?" Bruce says, as soon as they're out of earshot. He's smiling and shaking his head. "That withdrawal theory of yours was very simplified and a lot of speculation."

"Ah, but it satisfied Loki, didn't it?"

Bruce laughs disbelievingly. "You're unbelievable."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There you have the reason why Loki was never entirely feeling-less. Surprise!
> 
> Thanks again to plumadesatada who was immediately there to beta this chapter (you're amazing!) and to you, my dear readers, who are patient enough to wait a month for a new chapter. This was another short one, but I wanted to get it out before I drown in assignments and exams for the next 4 to 5 weeks. I'll try and get the next one finished asap, but I can't promise anything. I took too many courses this semester, I won't even lie.


End file.
